This shouldn't be what he wants. But if God loved him half as much as Kylo Ren does, maybe he'd be strong enough to resist the temptation.
God doesn't love Ronan Lynch. He has been silent for as long as Ronan has listened for Him, abandoning him with his questions and his loneliness. If God isn't his creator, nor his guide, nor his peer... would Heaven even want Ronan? What could he even find there, if not love or answers?
Ronan savors the kiss, grateful beyond words, and when it breaks, his breath trembles. Though God has never heard Ronan before, all this whispered heresy is terrifying. It's such an awful comfort, too. He doesn't doubt that Kylo would - that he could - fight Heaven and Hell for him. This isn't a promise spoken metaphor or poetry. Kylo will surrender him to nothing in the universe.
"That's what I want," he confirms, his voice hushed. "Keep me. I'll always choose you."
Had he ever felt as strong as this before he'd found Ronan? Laying here with their bodies pressed together so close he can feel Ronan's heartbeat almost as clearly as his own he coils himself around him, surrounding and shielding— and in turn, Ronan wraps him in his arms and the incredible warmth of faith.
He can't think of a time. No-one else has ever believed in him as Ronan does.
"That's all I need," Kylo says, a strong hand cradling the side of Ronan's face. "If you can choose this, if you can keep choosing this, you, with me— you make me unstoppable. Do you understand? Ronan, I want... I want you to swear it to me. That you'll never try to leave me because you think it best for me to be without you. Can you promise me."
Ronan never takes a promise lightly, and this one isn't any different. He holds his breath, biting back the affirmation that wants to spill immediately from his lips, because the thing he wants so much to give isn't always the thing he's capable of giving.
Can he promise? If he ever finds himself in that position, will he be able to choose ruin for the man he loves? He may be Kylo's greatest strength now, but if he ever becomes the greatest threat to him, can he stay? Which of these terrible options would be the worst crime against his beloved?
But the measure here isn't the universal right-or-wrong. This is Kylo's wish, and Ronan in a position to grant it, and all of it depending on their faith in one another: Kylo's faith that Ronan will stay and Ronan's faith that Kylo needs him above all.
"I promise," Ronan swears, leaning in to Kylo's touch. "I believe in us."
Kylo doesn't realise he's caught in the moment the meaning of those words falls into place until the burn in his chest reminds him to breathe— a shuddering tear between his ribs. He'd felt sure Ronan would say yes. He hadn't known he would say that.
And he hadn't known that was the real reassurance he was looking for until he heard it voiced and felt it pressed into his palm with the warmth of Ronan's cheek. For all his declarations of strength and the way he's framed the scene with himself as Ronan's guardian and keeper, Kylo's grateful for the low light hiding the way his face doesn't know how to twist in the stunned silence.
"Us," he agrees in a bursting rush, already knowing there's nothing he could say that could contain everything it needs to. But isn't us enough? He's never had one before. He isn't certain anyone has ever had an us like the two of them become.
He isn't certain he should be so desperate to prove it either— having found out that words were something Ronan was missing all this time, it's easy to imagine that relying on the physical now would be some kind of failing— but he can't make himself stop. He has to kiss Ronan. Touch him. Be inside him.
"Ronan," he urges hungrily as he presses closer still, already imagining the loop of his arms drawing tight as a noose.
Ronan has heard the words he needed to hear. Apparently, so has Kylo. There's no failure now in putting words aside and resuming the conversation in their native language of raw physicality. Their bodies belong together. Ronan hardly knows who he is anymore without Kylo's touch to ground him or Kylo's will to shape him. His limbs fold around Kylo and draw him in, capturing him. A lissome spring trap.
Their mouths find each other. Ronan drags his lips over Kylo's and parts them to seek out his tongue. His breath shudders with a heat he himself can barely contain. No, he wants to be the thing that Kylo can't resist. He wants Kylo to possess him in every way that pleases him. He wants Kylo to hunt him again and again as long as they live.
Whispering into his kisses, Ronan answers, "Do it." Not that he believes Kylo needs to wait for his permission. He wants Kylo to hear it, though, as easily as he can feel it. "Don't hold back. I want you always."
A low groan spills from Kylo's mouth as he lets his lips part, welcoming the invasion— the reminder. As much as he aches to drive himself deep into the wild heat of Ronan's body until their edges melt into irrelevance, he longs for this, too— Ronan, coiling around and winding through him. Ronan claiming all the hollowed out places inside him as his own and taking residence there, delighting in the singular privilege of being the one and only creature in all of creation Kylo chooses to give himself to.
He loves to sink into the ever-tightening trap of Ronan's arms, just as he loves to feel Ronan moving inside him. Tongues and fingers twist and tangle. Blood thumps hot, heavy, each heartbeat acquiring a juddering echo where their bodies crush together. Sliding and dragging against his, Ronan's skin is intoxicating. Kylo's hips shift and roll with a smooth promise of power, breaking into a long shudder as Ronan voices the desire he can feel throbbing through the both of them— because it isn't permission he's waiting for. They both know there's nothing but Kylo's rapidly dwindling willpower between them and the way their bodies know to prove connection to each other. He's holding back because he wants Ronan to feel the very moment his control fails. He wants every gasped breath and fiercely possessive kiss to serve as testament to a truth he never wants Ronan to forget.
He is wanted. So very, very powerfully wanted.
"Always," Kylo echoes, the struggle thick in his throat. His hand tears away and pushes between their bodies. "I always. Always want to give you what you want, what you need—"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
God doesn't love Ronan Lynch. He has been silent for as long as Ronan has listened for Him, abandoning him with his questions and his loneliness. If God isn't his creator, nor his guide, nor his peer... would Heaven even want Ronan? What could he even find there, if not love or answers?
Ronan savors the kiss, grateful beyond words, and when it breaks, his breath trembles. Though God has never heard Ronan before, all this whispered heresy is terrifying. It's such an awful comfort, too. He doesn't doubt that Kylo would - that he could - fight Heaven and Hell for him. This isn't a promise spoken metaphor or poetry. Kylo will surrender him to nothing in the universe.
"That's what I want," he confirms, his voice hushed. "Keep me. I'll always choose you."
no subject
He can't think of a time. No-one else has ever believed in him as Ronan does.
"That's all I need," Kylo says, a strong hand cradling the side of Ronan's face. "If you can choose this, if you can keep choosing this, you, with me— you make me unstoppable. Do you understand? Ronan, I want... I want you to swear it to me. That you'll never try to leave me because you think it best for me to be without you. Can you promise me."
no subject
Can he promise? If he ever finds himself in that position, will he be able to choose ruin for the man he loves? He may be Kylo's greatest strength now, but if he ever becomes the greatest threat to him, can he stay? Which of these terrible options would be the worst crime against his beloved?
But the measure here isn't the universal right-or-wrong. This is Kylo's wish, and Ronan in a position to grant it, and all of it depending on their faith in one another: Kylo's faith that Ronan will stay and Ronan's faith that Kylo needs him above all.
"I promise," Ronan swears, leaning in to Kylo's touch. "I believe in us."
no subject
And he hadn't known that was the real reassurance he was looking for until he heard it voiced and felt it pressed into his palm with the warmth of Ronan's cheek. For all his declarations of strength and the way he's framed the scene with himself as Ronan's guardian and keeper, Kylo's grateful for the low light hiding the way his face doesn't know how to twist in the stunned silence.
"Us," he agrees in a bursting rush, already knowing there's nothing he could say that could contain everything it needs to. But isn't us enough? He's never had one before. He isn't certain anyone has ever had an us like the two of them become.
He isn't certain he should be so desperate to prove it either— having found out that words were something Ronan was missing all this time, it's easy to imagine that relying on the physical now would be some kind of failing— but he can't make himself stop. He has to kiss Ronan. Touch him. Be inside him.
"Ronan," he urges hungrily as he presses closer still, already imagining the loop of his arms drawing tight as a noose.
no subject
Their mouths find each other. Ronan drags his lips over Kylo's and parts them to seek out his tongue. His breath shudders with a heat he himself can barely contain. No, he wants to be the thing that Kylo can't resist. He wants Kylo to possess him in every way that pleases him. He wants Kylo to hunt him again and again as long as they live.
Whispering into his kisses, Ronan answers, "Do it." Not that he believes Kylo needs to wait for his permission. He wants Kylo to hear it, though, as easily as he can feel it. "Don't hold back. I want you always."
no subject
He loves to sink into the ever-tightening trap of Ronan's arms, just as he loves to feel Ronan moving inside him. Tongues and fingers twist and tangle. Blood thumps hot, heavy, each heartbeat acquiring a juddering echo where their bodies crush together. Sliding and dragging against his, Ronan's skin is intoxicating. Kylo's hips shift and roll with a smooth promise of power, breaking into a long shudder as Ronan voices the desire he can feel throbbing through the both of them— because it isn't permission he's waiting for. They both know there's nothing but Kylo's rapidly dwindling willpower between them and the way their bodies know to prove connection to each other. He's holding back because he wants Ronan to feel the very moment his control fails. He wants every gasped breath and fiercely possessive kiss to serve as testament to a truth he never wants Ronan to forget.
He is wanted. So very, very powerfully wanted.
"Always," Kylo echoes, the struggle thick in his throat. His hand tears away and pushes between their bodies. "I always. Always want to give you what you want, what you need—"