[ He doesn't trust himself to speak any more. What is there left to say, anyway? He feels miserably vulnerable, far beyond the rescuing reach of anger. No-one ever taught him how to speak this language. No-one ever explained the rules.
He presses his lips together and swallows mutely. He'd nod if he had the space to. ]
[Ronan realizes he's not being heard. Or maybe he's not being understood. Either way, something's getting lost here. Kylo's coming apart in his arms.]
You're not getting it.
[He lays his hands on Kylo's shoulders, pushing him back just far enough to look him in the eyes.]
I wanna be with you. I wanna give you everything you'll ever want. And that's what's wrong. I'm just fucking scared I'll disappoint you like I disappoint everyone.
I need to know that you know that I'm the one who loves you. The shitty, screwed-up, messy Ronan loves you. It's only ever gonna be me.
[ There's a long silence following that. What else could there be? Kylo's dark eyes search Ronan's, his breath caught on the words long since fallen from his lips. And he slides and condenses, the confusion falling away into irrelevance at what he sees looking back at him- because if this is where the fault lies, it's nothing. ]
I know what you are.
[ He says it slowly, steadily, the same tone Ronan's heard him offer up before, confessing his sins. It's his own language of careful, deliberate truth, one he hopes Ronan knows how to speak. ]
You gave me a gift, in a dream. I know what he was. What he is, where he belongs. I know.
[ Cabeswater, the steadiness of his gaze suggests without words. He's seen it in Ronan's mind, the traces of it, the desperate longing for the impossible perfection of it. He lifts his hand, cupping the side of Ronan's face. He is capable of this, he's learned. Slowly. He can be gentle. ]
I want to be here. I want to belong here. With you.
[Ronan takes a breath, a protest already rising to his tongue. Do you know? he wants to demand. Do you really know? Because the people who know Ronan - who know Ronan - don't choose to stay. He doesn't know how anyone who'd conjured a better version could possibly accept this one, unless they were deluding themselves with the idea that there's something worthwhile under all this garbage.
Ronan exhales, the argument deconstructing itself before he can voice it. He's speaking to someone who can search his mind and pull out every secret. Of course Kylo fucking knows.
He just doesn't care.]
Then stay.
[It had seemed obvious, that the reason Kylo never asked to move in was because he didn't want to. Because dreams fade with daylight and Ronan's at his most appealing during the night.
But all this time, Kylo had wanted to be with him?]
[ The corner of Kylo's mouth tugs minutely towards a smile as he watches the passionate, furious rebuttal whirl into existence behind Ronan's eyes... only to fall apart and scatter, useless in the face of the truth.
There's a victory worth savouring. He's never felt a sweeter one, though the power of the one that follows swells wild.
[Once more, Ronan's tripped and fallen into love. He'll never learn. For someone so bitter, he's never actually mastered cynicism. Instead of protecting his heart, he just keeps giving it away.
This is the part where everything's still good, though. He's warm in every place Kylo touches him. He wants and he's wanted and they've settled this, finally. Grasping at Kylo's shoulders, Ronan pulls him forward and crushes their mouths together in a heated kiss.]
[ How exactly the two of them managed to pull this miracle out of the misery he found himself floundering in just minutes before is a mystery to Kylo- but most of Ronan is miraculous to him, and not necessarily because of his abilities as the Greywaren. He meets Ronan's passion with a fiercely certain acceptance, wrapping strong arms around him as he claims his mouth, battered heart pounding in his chest.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He presses his lips together and swallows mutely. He'd nod if he had the space to. ]
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You're not getting it.
[He lays his hands on Kylo's shoulders, pushing him back just far enough to look him in the eyes.]
I wanna be with you. I wanna give you everything you'll ever want. And that's what's wrong. I'm just fucking scared I'll disappoint you like I disappoint everyone.
I need to know that you know that I'm the one who loves you. The shitty, screwed-up, messy Ronan loves you. It's only ever gonna be me.
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And he slides and condenses, the confusion falling away into irrelevance at what he sees looking back at him- because if this is where the fault lies, it's nothing. ]
I know what you are.
[ He says it slowly, steadily, the same tone Ronan's heard him offer up before, confessing his sins.
It's his own language of careful, deliberate truth, one he hopes Ronan knows how to speak. ]
You gave me a gift, in a dream. I know what he was. What he is, where he belongs. I know.
[ Cabeswater, the steadiness of his gaze suggests without words. He's seen it in Ronan's mind, the traces of it, the desperate longing for the impossible perfection of it. He lifts his hand, cupping the side of Ronan's face. He is capable of this, he's learned. Slowly. He can be gentle. ]
I want to be here. I want to belong here. With you.
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Ronan exhales, the argument deconstructing itself before he can voice it. He's speaking to someone who can search his mind and pull out every secret. Of course Kylo fucking knows.
He just doesn't care.]
Then stay.
[It had seemed obvious, that the reason Kylo never asked to move in was because he didn't want to. Because dreams fade with daylight and Ronan's at his most appealing during the night.
But all this time, Kylo had wanted to be with him?]
Stay, asshole. You always belonged here.
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There's a victory worth savouring. He's never felt a sweeter one, though the power of the one that follows swells wild.
His thumb strokes over Ronan's cheek. ]
I hope you have room for my record collection.
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This is the part where everything's still good, though. He's warm in every place Kylo touches him. He wants and he's wanted and they've settled this, finally. Grasping at Kylo's shoulders, Ronan pulls him forward and crushes their mouths together in a heated kiss.]
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He meets Ronan's passion with a fiercely certain acceptance, wrapping strong arms around him as he claims his mouth, battered heart pounding in his chest.
This is what he wants. This. Exactly this. ]