[That's sarcasm. This is convenient, though, because it gives Ronan a perfectly good excuse to put his arms around Kyle without terrifying him in a different way. He calmly gathers Kyle up and draws him close, burgeoning erection pressed carelessly against Kyle's thigh. Ronan being Ronan, it's too large to ignore even at half-mast.]
[Adam wants to make out, but Gansey's working a late shift and Noah's off somewhere, probably with some of his skate park friends, and Adam can't find Ronan around the house. He reaches out for Ronan's energy, easily able to find him anywhere within a ten mile radius, and heads outside to seek him, expecting to find Ronan in the church as usual. As he gets closer, he realizes that he's not heading for the church but the pond.
As he gets even closer, he hears the sound of voices and movement in the water. Ronan's voice and--another boy? Not one of his boyfriends.
Adam slips his phone from his pocket and turns on the flashlight, finding Ronan naked and chest to chest with... Kyle.]
[ There's a snappy comment on the tip of his tongue feeling that erection hit him in the small of his back. Apparently Kyle's fear turns Ronan on. Tsk! But he has no time to be snappy! NO TIME! Because that Um is not Ronan.
When he sees Adam from the corner of his bright white eyes, he shoves Ronan as far from him as possible in obvious guilt. ]
[Ronan's less surprised than Kyle about Adam's appearance. Mostly because he'd felt a vague tug at his energy a few seconds ago, and recognized it as Adam seeking him out. His cock had gotten just a bit harder right before Kyle shoved him away.
Undeterred even by the beam of Adam's flashlight, Ronan stalks closer to Kyle again. There's mischief in his eyes, his mouth curved into a smirk for Adam. He's saying something without saying anything. Adam's presence may not have been planned, but it's not unwelcome.]
We're skinny dipping. You should join us. Kyle's making it nice and warm in here.
[Adam cannot resist mischief. He especially cannot resist Ronan's mischief. It's one of the quickest ways to get him to discard most of his normal personality traits (practical, guarded, calculating) in the pursuit of sheer reckless fun. His lips twitch and he tucks his phone away. He's not sure what Ronan's up to, but before they get to that he wants a better light.]
Kyle, toss up a fireball. Don't worry, I'll catch it.
Uhm... Alright. [ At least he can't be murdered by fire, so that's good. With a big breath he pulls out his hand and shakes it off before the fire ball is summoned as requested. It's then hurled into the air for Adam. ] There you go? Got more of that if you—I can turn this lake into a Jacuzzi, actually.
We have a hot tub back at the house, but I figured we'd be safer out here.
[Pleased that Adam appears to be catching on, Ronan sidles up to Kyle's back again. Now he's fully hard, Kyle will immediately learn, as Ronan's cock nudges him again. He plants his hands on Kyle's hips to keep him from squirming away.]
[The fire ball's trajectory stops ten feet into the air, hovering in place. The fire swirls, like weather patterns around a globe, and the light shifts, becoming white, as Adam transforms the combustion energy into something more stable and amplifies it into light.
Then, under the light of their own private moon, Adam pulls off his shirt. He's put on a lot of weight in the months he's lived in the Meadows, which is to say that he's now an average teenage boy, on the skinny side, with a lightly muscled upper body.]
Oh, wow. [ Adam, you're looking good, but Kyle is busy staring at the ball of fire that's been transformed into a beautiful artificial light. This is the first time he's ever seen Adam use his powers. Reminds him of the easy beauty of Spooky's magic.
But, uh, yeah, back to reality here, because that's a dick sliding up just above the crack of his ass. And now there's a second boy dropping trou to wade in with them. ]
Yeah, what?
[ Kyle is suspicious. Very suspicious. He turns just enough to narrow his eyes at Ronan, although not enough to disrupt the arms around him. Ha, he's not that suspicious. ]
[Ronan's fingers massage lightly at Kyle's hips, keeping their firm grip as his cock jumps and slides between Kyle's cheeks. There's no fucking need to be shy here. Kyle's already made him come.]
But now that Adam's here, we can probably do something more interesting. I dunno. Adam?
[Adam stops short at that, eyebrows going up. That was not the suggestion he expected from his deeply Catholic, deeply devoted boyfriend.
He's also not at all sure how he feels about it.
Taking a seat on midair--held aloft by one of his force fields, and he's getting better at tapping just enough energy and then holding it in his veins so that he can summon force fields whenever he wants--Adam watches them. He's still wearing his jeans, and his expression is guarded.]
Not safer for the fish. How are you okay with this?
Really? [ This is news to him, too, Adam. A hand job in a lake, that'd—Well, actually who knows what would happen. The fish would probably die, though, yeah. He can't do that to poor innocent fish!
So he puts his hands over Ronan's and gently pushes them off his hips, because the face Ronan's boyfriend is sending them isn't an encouraging one. ] Yeah, nah, the fish don't deserve that...
[When Adam says that, the smile immediately vanishes from Ronan's face. He's misunderstood something here, clearly. It doesn't take much effort for Kyle to push his hands away, since Ronan's already pulling them off.]
[Adam immediately regrets his tone. He'd expected Ronan to fight him on it.
As uncertain as he is about this whole thing, Ronan being unhappy is worse.
Rising to his feet again, Adam sends a soothing thrum through Ronan's energy. He steps out of his jeans and into the water. Kyle's comfort and concerns are an afterthought. Adam's priority is Ronan.
He catches Ronan with a hand on his elbow, studying his face.]
I'm surprised, that's all. You want this?
[This time, he's more careful with his tone, so that his voice says it's okay if you do.]
[Ronan's stomach drops the same way it did when he first realized he was gay, and in the subsequent months and years, every moment he had to face an attractive boy and be confronted with his arousal all over again. For a long time, desire would become nausea, until he learned to channel it into violence instead. See, he's known for most of his life that he had a disgusting and forbidden appetite. He'd only managed to fool himself into believing that what he wanted would be okay here.
He presses his palm to his mouth, looking past Adam to the darkness of the lake.]
[ Kyle, smartly, says nothing. This is clearly a personal matter between them that needs to be settled, and he is fine floating through the water behind them in silence. There's no support he can give to Ronan, unfortunately, only that his presence here is one of a friend.
Even if the mood has been broken, he's happy to see that Adam is trying to guide him into a better state of mind. It's sweet. ]
[Even with Adam manipulating his energy and issuing reassuring orders with sweet kisses, Ronan can't stop hearing the words he said first. The first thing out of someone's mouth is usually the truth, slipped before they have a chance to consider their words too deeply. And these particular words cut right to the heart of Ronan's Catholic indoctrination. Not just a truth, but God judging him through Adam.]
No, you were right. I should go pray. I'm fucking horrible.
[When Ronan looks at Kyle again, he does it askance, like he's afraid he'll get hard again if he looks directly.]
[Adam doesn't understand what Ronan's upset about, yet again, and he's frustrated that Ronan's shutting in on himself and marinating in self-loathing instead of communicating. But he's trying to find better ways to handle these situations--no more accidental lightning strikes.]
Kyle, rain check. [He holds out his knuckles to Kyle for a fist bump, and holds out his other hand to Ronan, fingers splayed, palm up.] Tinkerbell, with me.
[ Getting off lucky? What—Murder? Is Ronan talking about murdering him again?? It's always something, isn't it. ]
Yeah, that's cool. [ There's no hard feelings between any of them. If this is what he thinks it's about, Kyle's been in his shoes to a lesser degree. He reciprocates the fist bump and starts wading toward the shore for his clothes. ]
[Ronan, meanwhile, literally leaves his mortal body. At the same time fists are being bumped, light cracks along his skin and the boy dissolves entirely, replaced by a will-o'-the-wisp burning dully above the water's surface.
Murder wasn't on the agenda at all. It's just that Ronan knows he's not supposed to engage in carnal behavior, and terrible things happen to all the boys he loves. Adam was right to question him. There's probably a reason Ronan's father created his mother instead of taking a human lover.
With this form, Ronan's deep shame gives way to the cool acceptance that he shouldn't touch anyone at all.]
[Adam gathers up his ball of light boyfriend, sending waves of affection and warmth through his energy and settling the light on his shoulder, tucked up against his neck.]
Stay close.
[They can worry about Kyle later. Adam gives him a cursory wave as he gathers up his own clothing and Ronan's and starts heading toward the church.]
Open up to me. I want to understand what you originally wanted with Kyle and how that changed when I questioned you.
[Ronan answers in a stream of disconnected thoughts and feelings. There's the jealousy he'd felt at the party, a memory rather than lingering resentment. He hadn't only been angry that the boys were fooling around, that others were touching Adam. He'd also been envious of their freedom to do it, their lack of inhibition.
There's the memory of his encounter with Kyle in the kitchen, and how Kyle had touched him, and how exciting and secretly terrifying it had been to let a stranger put hands on him.
There's the guilt when he realized Adam hadn't slept with anyone that night, and that he'd lost his temper over nothing. And the guilt echoing over and over every time Kyle contacted him. And the desire to do it again despite that. And the guilt over that desire.
And then the misguided idea that Adam might like to share Kyle. The horror when Adam chastised him instead. The realization that Adam was right.
Ronan had let himself become carefree. It was wrong.]
[Adam takes it all in, attentively, as they head to the church. He's glad that it's a one-way thing, while he processes through the jealousy and confusion he feels, learning that Ronan is serious about Kyle, and wants to keep him around. Wants to date him, apparently.]
I like you carefree. [He drops their clothing to one side of their little attic room--it's theirs, now. Belongs to the two of them. This version always has. It's not the same room as the one that had been Adam's back home, though Ronan had increasingly made that one his.
Ronan thinks he made an exact copy. He didn't, but Adam doesn't want to tell him that. He likes Ronan's version better.
The cardboard box under the bed doesn't have the dent from when Adam lost his temper and kicked it, because that's a reminder of the parts of this room that belonged to Blue and to Adam's past. The bathroom cabinet door opens smoothly, without the wobble it had developed back home. None of the wisps of Blue's hair or bits of brightly colored yarn fuzz were included in this version.
It's their sanctuary, and Adam's liked it more and more as he's realized that. He's removed some of the things that reminded him more painfully of his past, finding other places to store them. He replaced the pillows and the duvet with new ones, but left the mattress because the one Ronan dreamed was larger and softer than the one back home had been, and he wasn't about to bother hauling a mattress up all those stairs if it could be avoided.]
I like it when you trust me and tell me things. I like it less when you spring things on me without giving me explanations or context. I don't like it at all that you didn't tell me about what happened between you and Kyle.
[He lays down on the bed, still naked, fingers curled around Ronan's energy as he sends soothing waves through it.]
I didn't chastise you, Ronan. I was startled, because I only had fragments of the picture, and I didn't understand how things had gotten to that point because you hadn't told me any of it, and then you wanted me to join in. It was like giving me a book with most of the first half removed and expecting me to understand what I was reading. Okay? Can you try to trust me more and tell me more things about your feelings and experiences, going forward?
[Apparently Ronan can't discern between spontaneous fun and inconsiderate douchebaggery. It doesn't matter now, though, he assures Adam. Nothing like this will ever happen again. He's beginning to realize that the Church, as usual, offered the best guidance for behavior. And with regards to sexuality, Ronan now understands that it should be avoided at all costs. At best, it causes him too much pain and confusion. At worst, it's one more way he hurts everyone he cares about.
It's the body, really. His body is a problem. He feels much better now, like this.
Settling against Adam's palms, Ronan's light dims. He's very sorry about everything. He didn't even care about Kyle when it happened, and he's surprised he cares at all now. Again, irrelevant to everything, because no one is going to touch him again. Except Adam, of course, because he belongs to Adam and Adam can do as he pleases with what belongs to him. But Ronan will be better now. The light flattens against Adam's skin, reaching into the veins at his wrists. They can just be one thing. He doesn't even have to be outside of Adam.]
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[That's sarcasm. This is convenient, though, because it gives Ronan a perfectly good excuse to put his arms around Kyle without terrifying him in a different way. He calmly gathers Kyle up and draws him close, burgeoning erection pressed carelessly against Kyle's thigh. Ronan being Ronan, it's too large to ignore even at half-mast.]
here comes the murder
As he gets even closer, he hears the sound of voices and movement in the water. Ronan's voice and--another boy? Not one of his boyfriends.
Adam slips his phone from his pocket and turns on the flashlight, finding Ronan naked and chest to chest with... Kyle.]
Um.
oh shit
When he sees Adam from the corner of his bright white eyes, he shoves Ronan as far from him as possible in obvious guilt. ]
Uhm. Hi. There was a fish! It touched me!
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[Ronan's less surprised than Kyle about Adam's appearance. Mostly because he'd felt a vague tug at his energy a few seconds ago, and recognized it as Adam seeking him out. His cock had gotten just a bit harder right before Kyle shoved him away.
Undeterred even by the beam of Adam's flashlight, Ronan stalks closer to Kyle again. There's mischief in his eyes, his mouth curved into a smirk for Adam. He's saying something without saying anything. Adam's presence may not have been planned, but it's not unwelcome.]
We're skinny dipping. You should join us. Kyle's making it nice and warm in here.
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Kyle, toss up a fireball. Don't worry, I'll catch it.
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[ A beat. ]
Oh. But then the fish would... die. Never mind!
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[Pleased that Adam appears to be catching on, Ronan sidles up to Kyle's back again. Now he's fully hard, Kyle will immediately learn, as Ronan's cock nudges him again. He plants his hands on Kyle's hips to keep him from squirming away.]
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Then, under the light of their own private moon, Adam pulls off his shirt. He's put on a lot of weight in the months he's lived in the Meadows, which is to say that he's now an average teenage boy, on the skinny side, with a lightly muscled upper body.]
Safer in regards to what?
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But, uh, yeah, back to reality here, because that's a dick sliding up just above the crack of his ass. And now there's a second boy dropping trou to wade in with them. ]
Yeah, what?
[ Kyle is suspicious. Very suspicious. He turns just enough to narrow his eyes at Ronan, although not enough to disrupt the arms around him. Ha, he's not that suspicious. ]
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[Ronan's fingers massage lightly at Kyle's hips, keeping their firm grip as his cock jumps and slides between Kyle's cheeks. There's no fucking need to be shy here. Kyle's already made him come.]
But now that Adam's here, we can probably do something more interesting. I dunno. Adam?
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He's also not at all sure how he feels about it.
Taking a seat on midair--held aloft by one of his force fields, and he's getting better at tapping just enough energy and then holding it in his veins so that he can summon force fields whenever he wants--Adam watches them. He's still wearing his jeans, and his expression is guarded.]
Not safer for the fish. How are you okay with this?
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So he puts his hands over Ronan's and gently pushes them off his hips, because the face Ronan's boyfriend is sending them isn't an encouraging one. ] Yeah, nah, the fish don't deserve that...
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Nevermind.
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As uncertain as he is about this whole thing, Ronan being unhappy is worse.
Rising to his feet again, Adam sends a soothing thrum through Ronan's energy. He steps out of his jeans and into the water. Kyle's comfort and concerns are an afterthought. Adam's priority is Ronan.
He catches Ronan with a hand on his elbow, studying his face.]
I'm surprised, that's all. You want this?
[This time, he's more careful with his tone, so that his voice says it's okay if you do.]
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He presses his palm to his mouth, looking past Adam to the darkness of the lake.]
I fucking said nevermind.
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I want you to smile the way you did before I questioned it. If Kyle makes you smile like that, I'm glad.
[He leans up to take a kiss, soft and sweet, and then lets go, nodding toward Kyle.]
Go on. I can handle his fire. The fish will... probably be fine.
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Even if the mood has been broken, he's happy to see that Adam is trying to guide him into a better state of mind. It's sweet. ]
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No, you were right. I should go pray. I'm fucking horrible.
[When Ronan looks at Kyle again, he does it askance, like he's afraid he'll get hard again if he looks directly.]
Hey, you're getting off lucky.
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Kyle, rain check. [He holds out his knuckles to Kyle for a fist bump, and holds out his other hand to Ronan, fingers splayed, palm up.] Tinkerbell, with me.
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Yeah, that's cool. [ There's no hard feelings between any of them. If this is what he thinks it's about, Kyle's been in his shoes to a lesser degree. He reciprocates the fist bump and starts wading toward the shore for his clothes. ]
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Murder wasn't on the agenda at all. It's just that Ronan knows he's not supposed to engage in carnal behavior, and terrible things happen to all the boys he loves. Adam was right to question him. There's probably a reason Ronan's father created his mother instead of taking a human lover.
With this form, Ronan's deep shame gives way to the cool acceptance that he shouldn't touch anyone at all.]
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Stay close.
[They can worry about Kyle later. Adam gives him a cursory wave as he gathers up his own clothing and Ronan's and starts heading toward the church.]
Open up to me. I want to understand what you originally wanted with Kyle and how that changed when I questioned you.
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There's the memory of his encounter with Kyle in the kitchen, and how Kyle had touched him, and how exciting and secretly terrifying it had been to let a stranger put hands on him.
There's the guilt when he realized Adam hadn't slept with anyone that night, and that he'd lost his temper over nothing. And the guilt echoing over and over every time Kyle contacted him. And the desire to do it again despite that. And the guilt over that desire.
And then the misguided idea that Adam might like to share Kyle. The horror when Adam chastised him instead. The realization that Adam was right.
Ronan had let himself become carefree. It was wrong.]
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I like you carefree. [He drops their clothing to one side of their little attic room--it's theirs, now. Belongs to the two of them. This version always has. It's not the same room as the one that had been Adam's back home, though Ronan had increasingly made that one his.
Ronan thinks he made an exact copy. He didn't, but Adam doesn't want to tell him that. He likes Ronan's version better.
The cardboard box under the bed doesn't have the dent from when Adam lost his temper and kicked it, because that's a reminder of the parts of this room that belonged to Blue and to Adam's past. The bathroom cabinet door opens smoothly, without the wobble it had developed back home. None of the wisps of Blue's hair or bits of brightly colored yarn fuzz were included in this version.
It's their sanctuary, and Adam's liked it more and more as he's realized that. He's removed some of the things that reminded him more painfully of his past, finding other places to store them. He replaced the pillows and the duvet with new ones, but left the mattress because the one Ronan dreamed was larger and softer than the one back home had been, and he wasn't about to bother hauling a mattress up all those stairs if it could be avoided.]
I like it when you trust me and tell me things. I like it less when you spring things on me without giving me explanations or context. I don't like it at all that you didn't tell me about what happened between you and Kyle.
[He lays down on the bed, still naked, fingers curled around Ronan's energy as he sends soothing waves through it.]
I didn't chastise you, Ronan. I was startled, because I only had fragments of the picture, and I didn't understand how things had gotten to that point because you hadn't told me any of it, and then you wanted me to join in. It was like giving me a book with most of the first half removed and expecting me to understand what I was reading. Okay? Can you try to trust me more and tell me more things about your feelings and experiences, going forward?
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It's the body, really. His body is a problem. He feels much better now, like this.
Settling against Adam's palms, Ronan's light dims. He's very sorry about everything. He didn't even care about Kyle when it happened, and he's surprised he cares at all now. Again, irrelevant to everything, because no one is going to touch him again. Except Adam, of course, because he belongs to Adam and Adam can do as he pleases with what belongs to him. But Ronan will be better now. The light flattens against Adam's skin, reaching into the veins at his wrists. They can just be one thing. He doesn't even have to be outside of Adam.]
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