[Ronan only feels desire when he's in a human body. Sex is a filthy, useless need. They've found a way to become one without sin, and though he knows Adam would hate to frame it in that context, he knows that Adam enjoys their union just as much as he does.]
We have something better than anything anyone can give. Than any body can give. Pleasure and love without all of this.
[He gestures to his body as if it's a pile of garbage. Objectively, he knows that his body is a perfect creation. A work of art crafted by his father's hand. But that appeal is precisely the problem. (Or at least part of it, second to his own lasciviousness.) Something this vulgar can never be good.]
[Adam already knows his answer is no, but he considers it for Ronan's sake. His hand slides a little higher, fingers combing through Ronan's hair. Because Ronan wants it, Adam lets himself consider what it would really mean.]
I'd be the Greywaren.
[He breathes out at that, not quite a whistle. Individually, they're both powerful. Together, they can literally rewrite reality. It's godlike power.]
Noah and Gansey would be furious.
[He can already anticipate Ronan's answer on that--they'd get over it--and maybe they would. Ronan would still be present, alive, unharmed, and happier than he'd ever been or ever could be. For that alone, Adam expects that Gansey and Noah would respect Ronan's choice, eventually. It's Adam who doesn't intend to allow it.]
They might be happy for you, eventually, but they'd never forgive me for taking you away.
I'd miss the sex. The warmth of having a physical body to love. Being able to tangle up with you like this. I know it's the opposite for you, but sex with you is the closest I've ever felt to something like holiness. Having you inside my veins feels like a drug. An addiction, where eventually I'd lose myself, lose control, and get myself killed for it.
It'd mean that you and I would be united on the deepest possible level, sharing every thought, and yet... I can't help but think... it would be lonely, somehow. It would make me into something that could no longer love, because I would be complete unto myself, and inhuman, and truly, infinitely, unknowable.
[Ronan hadn't considered that, the possibility that they could still be lonely even if they had each other. Maybe it should have been obvious. The bargain with Cabeswater alone had caused so many changes within Adam. They are both, together, moving further and further from something resembling human. Most of the time, the idea appeals to Ronan. But no one else would understand. It would feel like death, like they were losing both Ronan and Adam to the Greywaren. The two of them would be the only ones who'd know the ecstasy of their new existence.
It reassures him to learn that Adam considers their physicality holy in itself, though. What's holy to Adam is holy to Ronan, too. The sickness of shame fades a bit, unknotting his stomach. It's true that being touched by Adam is different than being touched by anyone else. It's a kind of worship between them. Ronan's skin warms at the mere thought. Now that he's in his body, he finds it difficult to consider giving the sex up, too. Even if he feels in his heart it would be the virtuous thing to do, his arousal in Adam's presence is hard to ignore.]
I don't want to make you into something you don't want to be. I don't want to take you away. Did you mean it, when you said you want me to keep exploring this? I just don't want to hurt you anymore.
I do. [Adam smiles softly, reassured and pleased that Ronan's listening and negotiating instead of closing in on himself with a bunch of self-destructive assumptions. It makes it easier for him to be more fully honest, making it a conversation rather than just reassurance.]
I get a little bit nervous. You know how touchy I am over rejection. It still feels unbelievable that I'm loved at all, after so long without. To be loved so much by so many people is... impossible. It feels like it's too good to be true, and sooner or later it'll be taken away from me.
So I get touchy. Possessive. But I know how devoted you are to me. And I like you getting more comfortable with desire and sexuality. That makes me happy. If you're into Kyle, then let's explore it.
[Self-destruction still feels like the best option, as it always does, for many reasons beyond this. But the next-best option is always to listen to what Adam wants. Ronan would do anything for him. He'd leave Noah and Gansey, he'd forsake everything else in the world, he'd devote himself entirely to Adam if Adam wanted him alone. And he allows that truth to spill over into Adam's mind as he presses his face into the crook of Adam's neck.]
I think he could be fun for us. For both of us. I wanted to see how it would go, and then I wanted to bring him to you. Especially since Blue... Since we're losing what we had with the others. Or - I'm losing it, at least.
[Which is maybe an indirect way of asking if Adam intends to be with Blue again, also. Ronan will need Kyle even more, if so.]
[Adam sighs, nuzzling at the soft buzz on the sides of Ronan's head. It's easier to be honest with him now that Ronan's actually listening.]
Feels like suddenly I'm the only one just dating Raven Boys. Noah and Gansey are both so excited about Blue, which is... really weird and kind of uncomfortable for me? I can't help but wonder how long they wanted her for, and if they want her more than they want me, if they were thrilled when we broke up.
[Adam swallows, grip tightening on Ronan.]
That's... hard. And then you're dating Kyle now, and--I heard something about how you were flirting with a valkyrie or something?
[Adam's already soft-spoken voice gets softer, only a whisper.]
Can't help but feel like you'll be off with Kyle and the others will be off with Blue and it'll be ... just me.
And I'm not dating Kyle, either. It was one thing, and then it was tonight, and it can all stop if you tell me to stop.
[He brings his palms to Adam's cheeks, cupping his face.]
Adam, as long as I live, it'll never be just you. It'll be you and me, and whoever else you choose to be with us. And if all you want is you and me, then that's what we'll do.
[Ronan doesn't consider them "lines" at all. It's just the way things are. Not particularly romantic. The least Adam could expect of him, really. Ronan would do anything for him. Ronan would die for him. He doesn't smile as he watches Adam in return, troubled by Adam's gratitude.]
Anytime. Always.
[He listened from the second Adam questioned him, though he heard the wrong criticism. Or maybe he didn't, but Adam's accomodating him. He's still not sure. Bowing to meet Adam's lips, Ronan kisses him softly.]
[Adam sighs happily into the kiss, pressing close as he returns it. They're both naked, and Adam's a teenage male with a high libido, so he almost immediately starts to harden as he parts his lips, warmly returning Ronan's kiss.
Grinning, Adam breaks the kiss, watching Ronan's eyes for a moment.]
I've got an idea. Suppose we go a little ways into the woods, take a blanket, have sex, have a nap, and then see if we can create some kind of... fountain gazebo sanctuary. Something with a nice fireproof bed and full curtains of falling water.
[Something more suited to having sex with a fire demon than a fishpond, come on Ronan.]
[The relief on Ronan's face upon hearing those words is only a fraction of what he feels.]
This is why you're the mastermind.
[Really, though, it sounds like the perfect end to a very confusing day. Ronan's aching with want after having been denied Kyle's touch earlier, so the solution is both emotionally and physically gratifying. And it means that Adam's committing to this idea of bringing Kyle in. Ronan's getting harder at the mere thought of being able to have the both of them at the same time. Of Adam and Kyle having each other.]
This is why you should tell me your ideas instead of springing them on me.
[Another kiss, this one lingering, and then Adam pulls away. He doesn't want them to get pulled into having sex here and have their plans delayed. They can manage ten minutes worth of self control.]
Come on.
[He gets up, grabbing the bottle of lube and gathering up the top quilt from the bed. They're going to be tromping at least fifty feet and probably more through the woods. Clothes would be practical. Shoes would be especially practical.
But that means getting dressed and then promptly getting undressed again. And it's not like they're pine woods. Adam starts down the stairs with his armful of quilt.]
[Ronan watches Adam rise from the bed, momentarily too dizzy with lust to focus on anything else. It strikes him how lucky he is, Adam so beautiful and so indulgent and so forgiving. Sometimes Ronan really wonders if he didn't dream him.
At the request, Ronan remembers himself. He gives a dazed nod before his body dissolves back into light. Gathering himself into a ball of white flame, he floats gently through the air to Adam's side.]
[Content to be heading on a midnight forest sex adventure, Adam heads down the stairs and out into the forest. He can see most of the meadows like it's daylight just through his energy powers--the whole place still thrums with dream energy. Every leaf, every plank of wood, most of it was created by the previous Ronan to match the environs of the Barns back home, and then renovated by this Ronan to better match the group's needs and desires.
As they head into the woods, Adam's senses dim. Further from the buildings, less of the landscaping is magically influenced and more of it is natural Virginia woods. Adam can sense magical beings moving through it--he knows where Henrietta is, napping somewhere distant--but plants and animals are dark to him, and he's grateful for Ronan's light.]
You choose the spot, beautiful. You're the one who's going to be doing most of the heavy lifting of dreaming it into what we need.
[Ronan has never created a space for the specific purpose of seduction before. He's not entirely sure what would make a space desirable for that purpose, tucked away in the dark woods. He drifts lazily over a narrow path between the trees, uninspired, until they come upon a small hill were the trees clear and the night sky becomes visible above.
Stopping there, Ronan spills into his human form again, one arm around Adam's waist.]
This looks like a good place for a fountain.
[With an inviting blanket of grass for love-making, before they get to dreaming.]
[Adam smiles, letting the blanket fall from his arms as he turns toward the warmth of Ronan's body. He tilts his head up for a kiss, curling a possessive hand around the side of Ronan's neck while his other hand rests against Ronan's chest, roaming idly over his skin.
Now he can let go of all his practical concerns. There's nothing he needs to worry about, other than--possibly--spreading the blanket before they end up horizontal. All that matters is Ronan pressed close against him, naked and eager.
Adam's grinning into each kiss, tingling with pleasure and magic. He loves sex with all of his boyfriends, but he's especially addicted to it with Ronan because of the energy magic between them, the soul-deep intimacy of their connection. He plays with it constantly when they're together, reverberating soft patterns of energy between them so that even their heartbeats align.]
[In these moments, obeying Adam feels no different than obeying his own desire. He meets Adam's lips, bowing to that possessive hand. Yes, he is Adam's. Happily, always, for the rest of his life Adam's. Ronan kisses him like he needs it for survival, and his other palm rises to Adam's cheek, fingers pushing into his hair. He cradles Adam's cheek and kisses him for life.
Their bodies fall into sync. The feeling is so subtle he's never sure if it's imagined or real, that they draw breath at the same time or share a single heartbeat. He doesn't know if it's something Adam does or something that happens because part of him lives inside Adam. He just knows that he loves it, and when it happens, he feels like he's doing the right thing.
The hand at Adam's waist slips to the small of his back and pulls their hips into a collision. Ronan's shoulder bumps into a tree trunk and he uses it for stability while grinding up against Adam, his hard cock pulsing against Adam's thigh. Adam said he loved this Ronan. Ronan won't deny him anything.]
[Adam moans into his mouth, loud and shameless. He's gotten less quiet in his time here, especially when it comes to sex. He no longer tries to take up less space and remain unobtrustive, at least not within their group.
Eager for Ronan, Adam grinds against him in return, returning the kisses hungrily. His fingertips find Ronan's nipple, plucking at it, and then his hand dips lower, down around Ronan's hip to his ass, pulling him closer and grinding against him.
At the first break in the kiss, Adam flashes him a grin and then dips his head, flicking his tongue over Ronan's nipple and following it up with a light scrape of teeth.]
[It's Ronan's turn to moan, an animal sound that echoes through the empty woods. His fingers claw at the bark to keep him steady and upright while Adam's mouth works its way down. Ronan's long body sways, a shiver running down his spine and twitching his cock in response to Adam's grazing teeth.
His other hand loses its grip on Adam before finding his hair, fingers tangling up in it, then pressing his head closer. He encourages Adam's mouth, at his nipple and then begging lower. He wants Adam to swallow him up.]
[Adam slides gladly to his knees, flashing a grin up at his boyfriend. He's all too happy to indulge Ronan's desires. He likes Ronan having desires and wants to reinforce how welcome those desires are.
Grinning up at Ronan through his lashes, Adam leans forward to start to kiss his length, stroking at himself as he lavishes licks and nuzzles over every inch of Ronan.]
[It's impossible for Ronan to feel ashamed of his desire for Adam anymore. He understands why Adam called it holy. There is a purity in Adam's touch and how intensely Ronan needs it, in a way that he needs nothing else. He belongs in Adam's hands and in his mouth and inside him. He doesn't know how he ever lived without Adam.]
God...
[He loosens his hold on Adam's hair just enough to comb through it instead, spurring Adam on. Every warm swipe of his tongue has Ronan growing harder, a tease that leaves him wanting more.]
[Adam yearns for him, groaning once as Ronan plays with his hair. Adam's ambition tilts all too readily into greed at moments like this, and he wants all of Ronan, wants to devour him, to possess him.
Sucking Ronan's cock into his mouth, Adam presses forward, eyes closing with bliss at the feel of Ronan's skin against his tongue.
He shifts and a pebble bites into his knee. Drawing away with a breathy laugh and a curse, Adam stretches out his arm for the discarded blanket. He folds it and tucks it under his knees with swift, efficient motions, reaching for Ronan's hip again to pull him forward, to envelop him again.]
[Ronan only has a moment to enjoy the heat of Adam's mouth before he's bereft, and he hisses as Adam pulls away:]
Fucking forest.
[But once they're situated again, he relaxes, heedless of the tree bark digging into his shoulder where it supports his weight. All he can think about is Adam's hand at his hip and the soft lips wrapped around his cock. Ronan's hand drops down to caress Adam's cheek before taking a firmer grip, holding Adam close.]
[Adam's done more research since they last tried this. He's studied theory and technique, applying himself to the study of oral sex with as much dedication as anything else in his life. This time, as he relaxes his jaw and leans forward, Ronan's cock eases into his throat, all the way to the hilt.
Lashes fluttering, Adam makes himself relax through the panic of realizing that he can't breathe. His nostrils flare uselessly, nails digging into Ronan's hip. He can feel his own pulse fluttering in his throat, and Ronan's pounding against his tongue.
Pulling back, Adam takes a deep, shaky breath, and then tries it again, taking Ronan in to the hilt. His eyes open, looking straight up at Ronan, wanting to see Ronan's face in response to this triumph.]
[It catches Ronan by surprise. He hadn't expected Adam to go so far, so fast. Actually, he'd begun to think it was altogether impossible for someone to deep throat him, given his size. So when Adam first takes him in, Ronan can't breathe, either. His breath's caught in his throat until Adam withdraws. They exhale simultaneously, Ronan shivering, and his breath hitches again as Adam once more swallows him up.
When he meets Adam's eye, he looks dizzy with wonder. His mouth's hanging open in disbelief, on the verge of a moan that dissolves into a softer ah, ah with every slight move Adam's throat makes around him. He lets the sensation spill over into Adam's mind, allowing him to feel the pleasure of his own work. It's incredible.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Ronan only feels desire when he's in a human body. Sex is a filthy, useless need. They've found a way to become one without sin, and though he knows Adam would hate to frame it in that context, he knows that Adam enjoys their union just as much as he does.]
We have something better than anything anyone can give. Than any body can give. Pleasure and love without all of this.
[He gestures to his body as if it's a pile of garbage. Objectively, he knows that his body is a perfect creation. A work of art crafted by his father's hand. But that appeal is precisely the problem. (Or at least part of it, second to his own lasciviousness.) Something this vulgar can never be good.]
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I'd be the Greywaren.
[He breathes out at that, not quite a whistle. Individually, they're both powerful. Together, they can literally rewrite reality. It's godlike power.]
Noah and Gansey would be furious.
[He can already anticipate Ronan's answer on that--they'd get over it--and maybe they would. Ronan would still be present, alive, unharmed, and happier than he'd ever been or ever could be. For that alone, Adam expects that Gansey and Noah would respect Ronan's choice, eventually. It's Adam who doesn't intend to allow it.]
They might be happy for you, eventually, but they'd never forgive me for taking you away.
I'd miss the sex. The warmth of having a physical body to love. Being able to tangle up with you like this. I know it's the opposite for you, but sex with you is the closest I've ever felt to something like holiness. Having you inside my veins feels like a drug. An addiction, where eventually I'd lose myself, lose control, and get myself killed for it.
It'd mean that you and I would be united on the deepest possible level, sharing every thought, and yet... I can't help but think... it would be lonely, somehow. It would make me into something that could no longer love, because I would be complete unto myself, and inhuman, and truly, infinitely, unknowable.
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It reassures him to learn that Adam considers their physicality holy in itself, though. What's holy to Adam is holy to Ronan, too. The sickness of shame fades a bit, unknotting his stomach. It's true that being touched by Adam is different than being touched by anyone else. It's a kind of worship between them. Ronan's skin warms at the mere thought. Now that he's in his body, he finds it difficult to consider giving the sex up, too. Even if he feels in his heart it would be the virtuous thing to do, his arousal in Adam's presence is hard to ignore.]
I don't want to make you into something you don't want to be. I don't want to take you away. Did you mean it, when you said you want me to keep exploring this? I just don't want to hurt you anymore.
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I get a little bit nervous. You know how touchy I am over rejection. It still feels unbelievable that I'm loved at all, after so long without. To be loved so much by so many people is... impossible. It feels like it's too good to be true, and sooner or later it'll be taken away from me.
So I get touchy. Possessive. But I know how devoted you are to me. And I like you getting more comfortable with desire and sexuality. That makes me happy. If you're into Kyle, then let's explore it.
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I think he could be fun for us. For both of us. I wanted to see how it would go, and then I wanted to bring him to you. Especially since Blue... Since we're losing what we had with the others. Or - I'm losing it, at least.
[Which is maybe an indirect way of asking if Adam intends to be with Blue again, also. Ronan will need Kyle even more, if so.]
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[Adam sighs, nuzzling at the soft buzz on the sides of Ronan's head. It's easier to be honest with him now that Ronan's actually listening.]
Feels like suddenly I'm the only one just dating Raven Boys. Noah and Gansey are both so excited about Blue, which is... really weird and kind of uncomfortable for me? I can't help but wonder how long they wanted her for, and if they want her more than they want me, if they were thrilled when we broke up.
[Adam swallows, grip tightening on Ronan.]
That's... hard. And then you're dating Kyle now, and--I heard something about how you were flirting with a valkyrie or something?
[Adam's already soft-spoken voice gets softer, only a whisper.]
Can't help but feel like you'll be off with Kyle and the others will be off with Blue and it'll be ... just me.
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Magnus? I haven't... I wouldn't call it flirting.
[Though he's handsome. Ronan would grant that.]
And I'm not dating Kyle, either. It was one thing, and then it was tonight, and it can all stop if you tell me to stop.
[He brings his palms to Adam's cheeks, cupping his face.]
Adam, as long as I live, it'll never be just you. It'll be you and me, and whoever else you choose to be with us. And if all you want is you and me, then that's what we'll do.
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See, it's lines like that which remind me why I'm so hopelessly in love with you.
[Happy, Adam studies his eyes, soothed by Ronan's love. It's easier to trust himself to Ronan when Ronan's being like this, and Adam feels calmer.]
Thank you for talking with me. And for listening to me. It's really nice to feel... heard.
[Adam's used to internalizing everything because he's never had a real confidante. It feels like a luxury to talk and be heard.]
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Anytime. Always.
[He listened from the second Adam questioned him, though he heard the wrong criticism. Or maybe he didn't, but Adam's accomodating him. He's still not sure. Bowing to meet Adam's lips, Ronan kisses him softly.]
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Grinning, Adam breaks the kiss, watching Ronan's eyes for a moment.]
I've got an idea. Suppose we go a little ways into the woods, take a blanket, have sex, have a nap, and then see if we can create some kind of... fountain gazebo sanctuary. Something with a nice fireproof bed and full curtains of falling water.
[Something more suited to having sex with a fire demon than a fishpond, come on Ronan.]
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This is why you're the mastermind.
[Really, though, it sounds like the perfect end to a very confusing day. Ronan's aching with want after having been denied Kyle's touch earlier, so the solution is both emotionally and physically gratifying. And it means that Adam's committing to this idea of bringing Kyle in. Ronan's getting harder at the mere thought of being able to have the both of them at the same time. Of Adam and Kyle having each other.]
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[Adam grins, stealing another quick kiss.]
This is why you should tell me your ideas instead of springing them on me.
[Another kiss, this one lingering, and then Adam pulls away. He doesn't want them to get pulled into having sex here and have their plans delayed. They can manage ten minutes worth of self control.]
Come on.
[He gets up, grabbing the bottle of lube and gathering up the top quilt from the bed. They're going to be tromping at least fifty feet and probably more through the woods. Clothes would be practical. Shoes would be especially practical.
But that means getting dressed and then promptly getting undressed again. And it's not like they're pine woods. Adam starts down the stairs with his armful of quilt.]
Wanna light my way, Tinkerbell?
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At the request, Ronan remembers himself. He gives a dazed nod before his body dissolves back into light. Gathering himself into a ball of white flame, he floats gently through the air to Adam's side.]
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As they head into the woods, Adam's senses dim. Further from the buildings, less of the landscaping is magically influenced and more of it is natural Virginia woods. Adam can sense magical beings moving through it--he knows where Henrietta is, napping somewhere distant--but plants and animals are dark to him, and he's grateful for Ronan's light.]
You choose the spot, beautiful. You're the one who's going to be doing most of the heavy lifting of dreaming it into what we need.
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Stopping there, Ronan spills into his human form again, one arm around Adam's waist.]
This looks like a good place for a fountain.
[With an inviting blanket of grass for love-making, before they get to dreaming.]
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Now he can let go of all his practical concerns. There's nothing he needs to worry about, other than--possibly--spreading the blanket before they end up horizontal. All that matters is Ronan pressed close against him, naked and eager.
Adam's grinning into each kiss, tingling with pleasure and magic. He loves sex with all of his boyfriends, but he's especially addicted to it with Ronan because of the energy magic between them, the soul-deep intimacy of their connection. He plays with it constantly when they're together, reverberating soft patterns of energy between them so that even their heartbeats align.]
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Their bodies fall into sync. The feeling is so subtle he's never sure if it's imagined or real, that they draw breath at the same time or share a single heartbeat. He doesn't know if it's something Adam does or something that happens because part of him lives inside Adam. He just knows that he loves it, and when it happens, he feels like he's doing the right thing.
The hand at Adam's waist slips to the small of his back and pulls their hips into a collision. Ronan's shoulder bumps into a tree trunk and he uses it for stability while grinding up against Adam, his hard cock pulsing against Adam's thigh. Adam said he loved this Ronan. Ronan won't deny him anything.]
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Eager for Ronan, Adam grinds against him in return, returning the kisses hungrily. His fingertips find Ronan's nipple, plucking at it, and then his hand dips lower, down around Ronan's hip to his ass, pulling him closer and grinding against him.
At the first break in the kiss, Adam flashes him a grin and then dips his head, flicking his tongue over Ronan's nipple and following it up with a light scrape of teeth.]
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His other hand loses its grip on Adam before finding his hair, fingers tangling up in it, then pressing his head closer. He encourages Adam's mouth, at his nipple and then begging lower. He wants Adam to swallow him up.]
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Grinning up at Ronan through his lashes, Adam leans forward to start to kiss his length, stroking at himself as he lavishes licks and nuzzles over every inch of Ronan.]
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God...
[He loosens his hold on Adam's hair just enough to comb through it instead, spurring Adam on. Every warm swipe of his tongue has Ronan growing harder, a tease that leaves him wanting more.]
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Sucking Ronan's cock into his mouth, Adam presses forward, eyes closing with bliss at the feel of Ronan's skin against his tongue.
He shifts and a pebble bites into his knee. Drawing away with a breathy laugh and a curse, Adam stretches out his arm for the discarded blanket. He folds it and tucks it under his knees with swift, efficient motions, reaching for Ronan's hip again to pull him forward, to envelop him again.]
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Fucking forest.
[But once they're situated again, he relaxes, heedless of the tree bark digging into his shoulder where it supports his weight. All he can think about is Adam's hand at his hip and the soft lips wrapped around his cock. Ronan's hand drops down to caress Adam's cheek before taking a firmer grip, holding Adam close.]
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Lashes fluttering, Adam makes himself relax through the panic of realizing that he can't breathe. His nostrils flare uselessly, nails digging into Ronan's hip. He can feel his own pulse fluttering in his throat, and Ronan's pounding against his tongue.
Pulling back, Adam takes a deep, shaky breath, and then tries it again, taking Ronan in to the hilt. His eyes open, looking straight up at Ronan, wanting to see Ronan's face in response to this triumph.]
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When he meets Adam's eye, he looks dizzy with wonder. His mouth's hanging open in disbelief, on the verge of a moan that dissolves into a softer ah, ah with every slight move Adam's throat makes around him. He lets the sensation spill over into Adam's mind, allowing him to feel the pleasure of his own work. It's incredible.]
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