inbox.

[nightmarist]

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[admemoriam]

Yeah, I do. He was never out to claim Adam for himself.

[Noah sticks his finger in some atrociously pink paint, and smears it across the canvas as he thinks. Then, after a few moments' pause and a deep breath, ] Gansey wants you and Adam to be together, okay? That's what's right to him, because that's how it happens back home.

[nightmarist]

[That isn't as much of a surprise as it should be. Ronan had suspected, even before they'd all officially agreed on this arrangement. The bond between him and Adam was too strong. He'd felt it when they dreamt together and when Adam worked his magic, though the suspicion did nothing to ease his guilt.]

And here. Before.

[Noah had said early on that the reason they weren't together before was because Ronan had been with someone else. It's obvious now.]

[admemoriam]

Yeah. Here, too.

[It's still a sore subject for him, and he doesn't plan on discussing it - the way Adam was the only thing that mattered in Ronan's world, the way they couldn't go a week without collapsing. If Noah hadn't known they were meant for each other on some cosmic bullshit level, he wouldn't have suggested it this time, not after watching all that turmoil for so long.]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan sighs. He doesn't know how to feel. He's done his very best to not repeat past mistakes, and he's not sure if he's falling into the habit, anyway. Twisting one of his bracelets tighter around his wrist, he looks up at Noah.]

I don't wanna lose any part of this.

[Them. All of them. He can't be the thing that breaks them all apart again.]

[admemoriam]

You won't.

[He brushes his hair out of his face, streaking paint through it, and comes around the side of the table.]

You aren't doing anything wrong. Adam's important to you, and we all understand that.

[nightmarist]

Okay.

[The least he can do is believe Noah. Though he's still going to have to work up the courage to confess to Gansey.]

You're getting paint in your hair.

[admemoriam]

Performance art.

[Noah reaches back over and sticks his finger in some more wet paint - blue, this time. He sticks it right in the front, and swipes his fingers through again, deliberate and thorough.

This time, he starts to crack a smile.]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan mirrors that smile, wrinkling his nose a little.]

Beautiful. But you're gonna regret that when it dries.

[admemoriam]

You'll have to help me wash it out, then,

[Satisfied with the state of his hair, he steps forward, extends the blue finger - and taps the tip of Ronan's nose.]

[nightmarist]

[If Noah was trying to get Ronan to adorably scrunch up his face, he's succeeded. Ronan throws his arms out to loop them around Noah's waist, tugging him closer.]

Yeah. Looks like I'll have to.

[admemoriam]

[Noah takes that cue to lean forward and kiss him, gentle and sweet, just once.]

You know, [ he starts, leaning forward into Ronan's broad, warm embrace, ] you must be special. Adam didn't boss me around at all when I was sucking his dick.

[nightmarist]

[A strained whimper escapes Ronan's throat as he buries his face in Noah's shirt for a moment. Oops, that's stained now.]

Probably because you were good at it.

[God, he's picturing it now. Which was Noah's intention, of course. Why do his boyfriends have to be so attractive? Why do they have to be so attractive with each other?]

[admemoriam]

[He soothes his hand over Ronan's shoulder, down his back. There isn't an end goal here, not really, not this time - he's just spent a day listening to his boyfriend's extremely explicit thoughts, and he wants to have some fun.

Maybe ask if he'll get a turn, or if that's going to be a strictly-Adam thing.]

Maybe. I mean, he said my name a lot.

[nightmarist]

Is torture a part of your revenge scheme?

[Ronan burns with jealousy, which is absurd, considering all that's happened. It's not the angry kind of jealousy, though. He's not actually sure what kind it is. It's the kind that's making him hard? And in turn making him feel both silly and insatiable.]

[admemoriam]

Is it torture if you like hearing about it?

[He leans in to kiss him again, still short and chaste.]

[nightmarist]

It's torture if I'm just hearing about it.

[A chaste kiss is not enough. Hungry, Ronan catches him and holds the kiss, deepening it and dragging Noah's lower lip between his teeth.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah happily responds, easing forward, pressing between Ronan's seated legs.

Imagine how I feel!]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan hums in acknowledgement and breaks the kiss just so that he can scoop Noah up by the thighs, getting to his feet and picking Noah up along with him. He wraps Noah's legs around his hips and glances up the stairs.]

Down here? Up there?

[He'd hate to leave Noah wanting, but he also doesn't know where the lube's stashed.]

[admemoriam]

[Just the question, and the following thought, make him gasp against Ronan's cheek, arms and legs clinging tighter in a fierce koala hold.]

Up.

[He doesn't have any furniture in the loft, from the mattress, but a small box under the window serves as a catch-all for knick-knacks and necessities alike.]

[nightmarist]

[Up they go, then. Ronan presses his lips to Noah's forehead, smiling a private smile as he carries Noah up the stairs. Maybe it's too much, Adam and now Noah, with hardly any time to process all that's happened. But he doesn't want to hesitate. He wants Noah just as much, and he's convinced (whether it's true or not) that it was only circumstance that landed him in bed with Adam first.]

I should warn you... It wasn't easy for Adam.

[In case it's Noah who wants to change his mind.]

[admemoriam]

Take it slower, then. I don't care.

[He knows he's tiny, and Ronan's big, and if he's honest with himself, for a second he thought that might be why Ronan had sought out Adam for this instead. But he knows that isn't true - he can hear, and feel it. Ronan wants this just as much as he did in his thoughts, all those weeks ago, the night Noah first made his absurd suggestion.]

Or. [He presses his face in closer, lips right at Ronan's ear.] We could do it the other way around.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan pauses on the last step, hearing those words, and his face flushes scarlet. It's an arrangement he hadn't even considered, for the same reason he hadn't considered it with Adam. It's his understanding that, because of his size, no one would want to do that to him. That he has one place in this. But that's stupid, right? Noah doesn't sound like he's joking. It sounds like this is something he wants.

Turning his head, Ronan nudges Noah's nose with his own.]

I'd like that.

[admemoriam]

Me too.

[He presses in to kiss Ronan again, letting reassurance slip through into his mind. This isn't a consolation or a punishment. He isn't settling for anything because his boyfriend is unnaturally large. He wants this.

Slightly breathless, already trying to move his restless hips, ] You can do me some other time. And that's a promise.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan smiles against Noah's lips, and when the kiss breaks, he nods.]

I intend to.

[He plans to enjoy Noah's body in any way and every way. He's just as happy with this proposal as any other. Taking that final step, Ronan gently sets Noah back on his feet. It frees up his arms so that he can strip off his shirt.]

You're gonna be the first, you know.

[He knows that Noah knows. Noah's in his head, after all. But this is a reminder that Noah's going to have to be gentle with him, too.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah tugs his own off, mussing his hair even further.]

Same here. [Well...] First guy, I mean.

[Then, gentler - I'd never be anything but. Not unless Ronan asked, at least.

Noah takes another step back, onto the expansive mattress, and drops backwards, landing in the middle with a joyful bounce. He tries to give Ronan his best "come hitter" expression, but it turns out just looking unbearably excited.]