[Ronan hadn't considered that, the possibility that they could still be lonely even if they had each other. Maybe it should have been obvious. The bargain with Cabeswater alone had caused so many changes within Adam. They are both, together, moving further and further from something resembling human. Most of the time, the idea appeals to Ronan. But no one else would understand. It would feel like death, like they were losing both Ronan and Adam to the Greywaren. The two of them would be the only ones who'd know the ecstasy of their new existence.

It reassures him to learn that Adam considers their physicality holy in itself, though. What's holy to Adam is holy to Ronan, too. The sickness of shame fades a bit, unknotting his stomach. It's true that being touched by Adam is different than being touched by anyone else. It's a kind of worship between them. Ronan's skin warms at the mere thought. Now that he's in his body, he finds it difficult to consider giving the sex up, too. Even if he feels in his heart it would be the virtuous thing to do, his arousal in Adam's presence is hard to ignore.]

I don't want to make you into something you don't want to be. I don't want to take you away. Did you mean it, when you said you want me to keep exploring this? I just don't want to hurt you anymore.