[Ronan answers in a stream of disconnected thoughts and feelings. There's the jealousy he'd felt at the party, a memory rather than lingering resentment. He hadn't only been angry that the boys were fooling around, that others were touching Adam. He'd also been envious of their freedom to do it, their lack of inhibition.
There's the memory of his encounter with Kyle in the kitchen, and how Kyle had touched him, and how exciting and secretly terrifying it had been to let a stranger put hands on him.
There's the guilt when he realized Adam hadn't slept with anyone that night, and that he'd lost his temper over nothing. And the guilt echoing over and over every time Kyle contacted him. And the desire to do it again despite that. And the guilt over that desire.
And then the misguided idea that Adam might like to share Kyle. The horror when Adam chastised him instead. The realization that Adam was right.
Ronan had let himself become carefree. It was wrong.]
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There's the memory of his encounter with Kyle in the kitchen, and how Kyle had touched him, and how exciting and secretly terrifying it had been to let a stranger put hands on him.
There's the guilt when he realized Adam hadn't slept with anyone that night, and that he'd lost his temper over nothing. And the guilt echoing over and over every time Kyle contacted him. And the desire to do it again despite that. And the guilt over that desire.
And then the misguided idea that Adam might like to share Kyle. The horror when Adam chastised him instead. The realization that Adam was right.
Ronan had let himself become carefree. It was wrong.]